


his saving grace

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Claustrophobia, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29231610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: He survived a bomb, blood clots, and a tsunami because that wasn’t how he was meant to leave this world. He was meant to go out doing what he did best, being who he was, giving his life in order to make sure someone else got to continue to live theirs. He wasn’t invincible, he was just destined to leave the world alone, surrounded by smoke and flames, but it was peaceful. He gave his life to this job because to him, he was the job.orThe factory fire in Buck Begins and the aftermath.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 249





	his saving grace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thisissirius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/gifts).



> i really do like how this turned out so i figured i'd post it on here as well
> 
> "I can't do this on my own." 
> 
> warnings;  
> claustrophobia

One thing they told anyone who entered the academy was that if you’re claustrophobic, this wasn’t the career for you. Between the inability to breathe for the seconds it takes to attach your regulator to your facepiece, the tight spaces you might find yourself in during any technical rescue, and the risk you take of falling through a floor and being trapped by debris, firefighting holds no place for those who cannot handle it. 

It’s something that stuck with Buck even five years after he graduated from the academy. Every time he went into any situation donning his entire PPE, the tiny voice in the back of his head saying that he could run out of air, that those old wooden floors in the house they’re searching cannot withstand the heat and he could go through at any second, that almost muted voice rears its ugly head for just a second. Only a second though, because this is his life. Saving lives while risking his,  _ it’s who he is.  _

That’s the only thing he’s sure of. When his life fell apart the first time, the only thing he was sure of was that he didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t a firefighter. 

Now, as he watches it fall apart a second time, he is certain that this was who he was because he knew now less than ever about who he really is. The only comfort he had as he’d stared down at the old polaroid photo of someone who is supposed to be him, but someone he didn’t know at all, was that even though he had absolutely no idea who he was anymore, he was still a firefighter. 

_ “Firefighter Buckley, do you copy?”  _

When he’d survived the ladder truck bombing, and a pulmonary embolism, and then a tsunami, he’d started thinking that maybe he was invincible. 

But no, he wasn’t invincible. 

_ “Cap! I got the last victim out but I’m trapped.”  _

_ “Diaz, Hadley, I need you out of there now, it’s too unstable for extrication!”  _

_ He survived a bomb, blood clots, and a tsunami because that wasn’t how he was meant to leave this world. He was meant to go out doing what he did best, being who he was, giving his life in order to make sure someone else got to continue to live theirs. He wasn’t invincible, he was just destined to leave the world alone, surrounded by smoke and flames, but it was peaceful. He gave his life to this job because to him, he was the job.  _

_ His PASS alarm was a distant ringing in his ears as he gave up on freeing himself from the heavy beam that trapped him even more. For a moment, it was all peaceful.  _

_ Until the low air alarm on his AirPack became louder than the fire around him. It’s peaceful until his pressure gauge shows the numbers 19.1 and decreasing.  _

_ Anything below 19.5 is oxygen-deficient. He tries to control his breathing because he knows the faster he breathes, the faster his air depletes. He’s made his peace with dying this way but that same muted voice he’d heard before he ran into this factory came back screaming in the sound of his low air alarm and sent him straight to panicking.  _ Panicking will only make it worse. 

_ His pressure gauge reads 13.5 and he’s dizzy, so dizzy, and so tired. So damn tired.  _

_ 10.9.  _

_ Just as his eyes begin to slip, he hears his saving grace.  _

Buck made it out of that building because of Eddie and every part of him is telling him he should feel grateful but all Buck feels is mad. 

He’s mad because he’d made his peace with leaving this lifetime as he was. A firefighter. He’s mad because every time he’s in a space smaller than his bedroom, he feels trapped. He’s mad because on his first day back since the fire, the second he tightened the straps on his facepiece he panicked. 

He’s  _ outraged  _ because he was supposed to die being the only thing he was certain he was and now he doesn’t know how he can continue to be a firefighter when he panics at the sight of an AirPack. 

His life falls apart again and he’s back to square one. He’s lost again, more lost than he had been before and he’s scared he won’t be able to find a way back this time. 

A key turning the lock to his door is what throws him out of the dark abyss also known as his thoughts. 

He looks up from where he’s been staring a hole into his floor and his eyes meet Eddie’s.

Instead of questioning why Buck was curled in on himself against the kitchen island, Eddie sets down the take out food he’d brought with him and sits cross-legged across from him, taking care to not sit too close. 

It’s silent for a minute, Eddie just taking his time to visually check him over before he meets his eyes again and smiles. “Hey.”

“Hi,” barely comes out in a whisper. His throat was paper dry, his voice weak from disuse. 

After another minute, Eddie carefully reaches forward towards Buck’s hand. His fingertips just barely brush the front of his hand to let him know that his hand is there to hold if that’s what he needs.

And even as he looks away to hide the tears shining in his eyes, he holds out his hand and squeezes lightly the second their hands connect. 

They stay like that in silence for what feels like a lifetime before Buck’s shoulders start to shake with barely contained sobs. 

“Buck,” Eddie’s voice gets caught in his throat when his eyes meet a broken stare. 

**_“I can’t do this on my own.”_ ** He chokes out. “Not again.”

Buck misses the way Eddie’s breath hitches but he feels the grip on his hand tighten. 

“I’m here.” He whispers. “I’m not going anywhere. You won’t ever be on your own again, not as long as I’m around. Just like I told you in that factory, we’re a team. We’re going to figure this out together.” 

Buck whimpers. “Thank you for saving me.” 

“Like I told you, your air is my air.”

_ “Look at me Buck, it’s okay, we’re gonna get you out of here. Hey, your air is my air, okay?”  _

_ In between one second and the next Buck is breathing air again. His eyes open to slits, just enough to see Eddie is the one who gave him air. Eddie helps him breathe again.  _

_ He feels safe enough to close his eyes and fade away. _

_ His saving grace. _

**Author's Note:**

> this was honestly just a way to help talk out my anxiety about being trapped and it just.... spiraled from there?
> 
> i really do hope you enjoyed it and if you did please leave a comment, they make my day and give me motivation!! :)


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